Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Honey, I'm Hoooooooooooome!!

Haven't blogged in a looong time!  I apologize, but I bit off a little more then I could chew this semester and the blog had to take a backseat BUT on the plus side now I have months worth of material to share with you all!  So this was my first semester back in school since I had my son 3 years ago.  So naturally I decided to go big or go home and registered for 4 classes and took on two internships.  Way to ease into things Kristina!  Now if you were reading my blog in the Fall then you already know that I have a serious problem with becoming easily overwhelmed and sweating like a Christmas ham under pressure so yes it is safe to say that I have bought stock in extra strength deodorant and have dealt with swamp ass issues often.  It wasn't pretty, but I made it out alive and guess what?  After busting my behind for four months the best news is that I am still unemployed so I will have plenty of time to dedicate to my blog again  : /  .So since I have been so busy lately it seems that my personal life has taken a drastic turn for the worse.  For instance I am sitting at my desk right now writing and listening to Dave Matthews on Pandora.  I am wearing a tie-dye T-shirt, velour pants and a robe.  My hair is a mess and I have not yet brushed my teeth. There is a McDonald's cup on the desk, a red cup half full of Lucky Charms and a bowl of fruity pebbles on the floor.  What is that not wear you eat your breakfast?  Basically I have transformed into a dirty hippie, although a slightly more educated one.  And if anyone has been following my facebook updates they also know that I have taken a liking to destressing with Cheeseburgers and Domino's pizza.  I promise I will get my shit together as soon as finals are over...maybe. 
I tried to get really motivated the other day and took my kids to FAO Swartz in NYC on a Saturday thinking that I was such a cool mom for my adventurousness and spontaneity.  What I actually ended up being was an asshole with two out of control kids trying to climb through the dividing window in the cab.  This was by far one of the more embarrassing trips with my children.  The cab driver shook his head in disgust but what was I supposed to do?  If I start screaming I look nuts.  If I beat them in the cab I go to jail.  If I do nothing I look like I don't care.  What I wanted to do was cry my freaking eyes out...or maybe jump out of the taxi and leave the boys to find their own way home.  After a two hour trip back home I put the boys to bed and drank a glass...or two...okay the whole bottle...of wine.  After that I went back to thinking of what a cool mom I am for taking my kids on this trip, but I have already made all of my friends and family promise to slap me if I ever decide to take these monsters into the city by myself again.  They would have had almost as much fun in Toys R Us in Bay shore and I wouldn't have wanted to poke my eyes out.  Oh well, as usual, the moral of the story is you live, you learn.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Like Mother Like Daughter

Well, the day is here already.  I thought I had at least another ten years to go, but as it turns out, yesterday was the day that I officially turned into my mother.  I have various memories of shopping with my mother as a child and almost all of them include me following mom down aisle after aisle until she found the perfect bath towel.  At the time, it seemed mindless and exhausting, until yesterday, that is when from an aisle in The Christmas Tree Shop I spotted a wall of dish towels and with eyes lit brightly with joy, I exclaimed "Ooo dish towels!"  I immediately caught myself, but purchased some towels anyway.  I knew that at some point in my life the day would come where I too would be excited by the thought of buying new towels, but deep down inside it still stings a little.  :)

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

The crinkle, smooth and plasticy.
Green, crumble, crumble, down.
Feel for the hole,
Don't let it breathe.
The click of the fire,
It's burning up, red and black.
Pull it in,
Fill your chest with fire.
It burns a hole in your heart,
and you breathe.
It's in your head, your eyes,
It makes you lighter,
Runs through your body,
Until all that's left is air.
Your heart is flying,
And the music moves through you,
With its skit skat beat.
That old song plays in your head.
You are home.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

"Being a nice person is way too hard and being a bitch is way too easy." - unknown

I consider myself to be a truly kind hearted person, but I would be lying if I said that I don't often times feel taken advantage of by people who know me to be a nice person.  With that said, I realze that my life could be much easier if I just shut that part of me off.  There are many people that only look out for themselves and have no problem walking on the backs of others in order to get what they want.  Even though I am aware of how simple it would be to give in and only look out for myself, I refuse to succomb to that.  I will continue to be kind to everyone I meet and will always give people the benefit of the doubt.  I refuse to turn off my humanity.  People have become so robotic, slaves to time and jobs and because of this I can not simply shut off the human side of myself that continues to believe that people are ultimately good.  It is surely easier to only have to worry about yourself, but we are all in this together and I will not turn my back on the goodness of the human heart. 
Kill 'em with kindness!

Monday, October 17, 2011

My close friend, Melanie Arigo, took this photograph and we agreed that this picture was symbolic of the affect the human race has had on the earth.  This is nature, everything that is pure, beautiful and authentic in the world.  Yet, even out here where the earth rolls and curves, sunlight dances across the leaves and the sky is clear and calm, there is a sign that we have touched this place.  We have stepped on these rocks and brushed passed these branches.  Even out here, where the land is still just the land, man has made his mark.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

What Women Want!


  Some women want money and nice things.  Others are after someone with a kind heart or a great sense of humor, but since most women at some point share the same feelings in their relationships, there must be something that is universally desired. 

"Women desire to have sovereignty over their husbands and their love." - Wife of Bath's Tale

        For anyone who may not be familiar with the tale, in short, a knight is forced to learn the secret of what women most desire, in order to save his life.  From the mouth of a decrepit old woman, he gets his answer.  In exchange he must marry the old woman.  According to the tale, the secret of what women want most is to have power over their husbands and their hearts.  Women do not want to be taken for a ride; we want to know that we have just as much control as you do.  It is not that we want to control everything, we just want to know that our partner respects us enough to let us call the shots, at least some of the time.  I do not want to "wear the pants" in my marriage, but I do want to know that my opinion is just as valuable as my husbands. 
       The Wife of Bath's Tale ends with the knight having to decide whether to keep his wife ugly, but faithful or to have her be beautiful, but ugly and untrue on the inside.  His ultimate decision is to let his wife decide what is best.  Lo and behold, that had been the key all along.  His wife transforms into a beautiful woman who is true and loyal to him.  All she wanted was for him to give her the power to decide.  Women want to feel that we are considered your equal.  Our role, whatever that may be, is just as important to our relationship as yours is and thus our opinions are just as significant as yours.  Women were created from the rib of man.  We belong next to you and what we want most is to know that you respect us enough to let us walk at your side.

Have a wonderful day!

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

No Strings Attached

I have a girl friend that has been having a "friends with benefits" type of situation going on.  She was truly only looking for casual sex and things were going pretty well until the guy decided to tell her that he only wanted to sleep with her.  She was cautiously optimistic about the possibility of his being sincere.  In the days following he went on to ignore her calls and told her "I'm not going to stop what I'm doing for you."  Well isn't this just the perfect picture of how men will find a way to mess with your head no matter what you do.  All my friend wanted was some no strings attached sex, but this guy had to go and complicate things just so he could screw with her head a little.  Why do men do this?  It's sick!  You are playing with someones mind and heart for your entertainment purposes.  We are good people who give men like you the benefit of the doubt, and in return we get the door slammed in our face.  And then, when you finally quit messing around and make the decision to settle down and get married, you complain that your wife is a nagging bitch.  Well yeah sometimes she is and heres why:  every single man before you has done everything in his power to toy with her head and weaken her.  Yes, it makes us a little crazy sometimes.  In short, it's hugely your own genders fault that she ended up like that so deal with it.  And for any of you out there womanzing right now, remember that one day you may have a little girl of your own and everything that you have done to women is what your daughter will one day have done to her.  Think about it.
Happy Wednesday!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

It isn't any trouble just to S-M-I-L-E !

We are living in a fast paced society.  We drive fast, eat fast, walk fast...I get it, you gotta keep moving!  BUT would it kill anyone to say "hello" or "good morning" or at least spare a smile?  We all have our own stuff going on.  At one point or another life has been unkind to each and every one of us.  I get that your having a bad day today, because I had one yesterday.  Stop and say "good morning" to someone on the street, you may just make their day.  One friendly face may have been all that person needed to turn their day around.  So, so what if the girl at the check out was rude.  When that happens you have two choices.  You can choose to be rude right back to her and now not only is she still having a bad day but now you are in a bad mood too, OR you can choose to smile at her and tell her to have a great day, you never know, maybe she will.  And as a side note if you ever happen to see a mother out struggling to control her kids, nothing she says to you can be taken as rude.  She gets an automatic pass (yes, this means you must smile and tell her to have a good day) because believe me wrestleling children into shopping carts, carriages and car seats will make even the nicest person a bit grumpy.  So what I am saying is that you should start your day with a smile on your face and spread it to as many people as you can.  Tomorrow might be your bad day and you will need someone to lend you a smile in return. 
Oh, and on another side note if you ever see a mother with her children and carriage and diaper bags and other assorted paraphernalia that she is carrying around, you had better hold the darn door for her! 
To the lady who walked through the open door that I was struggling to pull my carriage through while talking on her cell phone last week...eff you!  Oops...I mean, have a great day! :)

Do something kind for someone today, then come back later and tell me about it!
Have a happy Tuesday!

Monday, October 10, 2011

Paintball & Piñatas

We ask ourselves and each other often why are children are becoming increasingly violent.  What is wrong with kids today?  What's wrong with kids today is that they are living during a time when violence is at the forefront of almost everything they see.  Consider this.  What can American families be seen doing to celebrate their child's birthday?  How about paintballing followed by a junk food fest and finally, my favorite part, the beating of the piñata.  So first the birthday child and his friends run around a man made war zone, shooting each other with guns until only one survivor remains.  Next they sit down to a well balanced meal of pizza, cake and soda.  And finally, mom and dad buy a replica of the child's favorite cartoon character and he and his friends take turns beating it to death and collecting its "guts" off the floor.  Well now that I've laid it all out there, I bet it makes a lot of sense.  Our kids are out of control because we are training them to be this way.  So maybe this year when you celebrate the birth of your child you will consider going back to the good old days, when a birthday party consisted of a clown and a cupcake.  Next time your child asks to play a video game, tell him to go outside and use his imagination.  He can step outside and enter any world his little mind can dream up OR he can sit on your couch with a controller and pretend to steal a car.

Your call!  ;)

Happy Monday!

Friday, October 7, 2011

As I wander,
Up the hall,
I trip on race cars,
Down I fall.

I'm in the bathroom,
They knock and yell,
I rush to answer,
They have something to tell.

They spilt the juice,
On my just washed floor,
and colored on every,
Wall and door.

I found jelly on the counter,
and cookies in the rug,
One is running towards me,
Showing off a bug.

Their noses are drippy,
Their fingers sticky,
Their faces are dirty,
Their play things icky.

They throw their toys,
and bump their heads,
They fight and wrestle,
And jump on beds.

But all I can hear,
Despite the noise,
Is what they whisper,
At night, my boys.

"Ok, boys,
It's time for bed."
"We love you mommy"
Is what they said.

So though the house is usually a mess,
The floor scattered with toys,
I love every second of this life,
Spent with my little boys.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

"It is never too late to be who you might have been."  -George Elliot

I was married with two children by the time I was 22, and although I wouldn't take back a moment of the life I created, there did come a point where I questioned if I could ever be anything other than a wife and mother.  Was I capable of accomplishing anything more?  Before having my children I had dreams just like any other young woman, but as my family grew it seemed that all my doors were closing while my friends had the whole world open to them.  It took three years of beating myself up before I realized that the only way to cure unhappiness is to get up and keep moving.  Nothing could ever get better if I didn't get up and at least try to get everything I wanted out of life.  So I made the decision to go back to school.  My goal was really just to finish my degree.  I had no plans beyond that, but somewhere along the way i fell in love with learning.  What a fantastic opportunity I have to be able to go to school, I would be a fool to waste this chance.  I wanted to fulfill my dream of becoming a writer and am finally pursuing something that I love.  I am still a wife and mother above all other things, but I am also just Kristina, the young woman, the student, the writer.  It is never too late to be who you wanted to be, thought you could be or would have been.  You can have it all, the kids, the husband and maintain your own identity, you just have to be willing to chase after all those things you want.
* If there is something more out of life you want or a passion that you wish you would have followed, take one step towards it today. *

Happy Thursday!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Ode to Caffeine

Is it wrong to be turned on by the sound of your coffee brewing in the morning?  I think not.  Coffee eases me into a through my days like a dear old friend.

Coffee, coffee, in your mug,
Your warm and sweet like a best friend's hug.
Lipstick smudge around your lip,
You awaken me with morning's sip.

That was entitled "Ode to Caffeine."  I hope you enjoyed it, for it was one of my finest works.   ;)

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

This blog has become a fun way for me to let off some steam, while at the same time entertain those of you who are going through the same daily chaos that I am!  So how about a good old rant about mornings, shall we?  Aidan and Nicholas woke up at 7:00 am and really anything after 6:59 is considered sleeping in for me so we are off to a good start!  I try to shield my eyes from the sun and from the Little Einsteins that have taken over my bedroom television.  What better way to start my day then with a "rah rah rah for rocket!"  Since Aidan and I both have school this morning, breakfast consists of anything I can reach for and toss onto a plate or into a bowl at a record speed.  So today casa de la Kristina served Lucky Charms!  My younger son informed me that he doesn't like "yucky charms" while my older son protested against the milk I had added to his cereal, apparently he prefers his "yucky charms" dry.  My mistake.  Aidan's school is also collecting...(hold that thought, Aidan just asked me to stop sweating him?)...dimes for some charity so my morning also consists of searching every crevice of my house for dimes because the class that collects the most dimes gets a pizza party and what kind of mother would I be if I didn't nearly kill myself so my son could win a pizza party?  Well my mornings here are if nothing else entertaining, right? 
I also would just like to take a second to thank anyone who is reading this.  Writing is truly my passion and it is a wonderful outlet for me to get out any of my frustrations and transform them into something to laugh about.  It is an excellent practice and very theraputic for me, so thank you for laughing along with me at my often crazy life!  Have a beautiful day!

Monday, October 3, 2011

Pumpkin picking and other shenanigans..

This weekend my children and I celebrated all the wonderful things that fall has to offer, fairs, festivals, pumpkin picking, petting zoos, pony rides and hay rides.  As I pulled into the parking lot of the farm we went to on Sunday, I thought well my kids are old enough to walk now, this will be the first year that I don't need to push a carriage through miles of farmland, fantastic!  What I forgot about, is how heavy pumpkins are, especially when you make a contest of who can find the largest pumpkin.  So picture me in the middle of an open pumpkin patch trying to usher my kids through the muddy field while carrying four giant pumpkins, a diaper bag and the sand art that they had just made.  There was no way we could continue our day out with my arms loaded with pumpkins so I made a split decision to grab the kids and run for the car to retrieve my carriage.  This was perhaps one of the most ridiculous moments of my life.  I had Nicholas on one hip, diaper bag on my shoulder, while balancing four pumpkins and some sand art, while holding Aidan's hand as he ate a spongebob ice pop.  Walking was not an option, so I was literally running for the car while spongebob freakin' squarepants dripped down my sleeve.  When we finally made it to the car I threw all my stuff to the ground like I had just won some sort of grocery shopping challenge (you know with the crazy women pushing shopping carts full of whole chickens around the supermarket like psychos).  From there we were able to continue our day without any more major catastrophes.  Word of advice: Even when your kids outgrow their carriages, they are still very useful for lugging around pumpkins and other assorted heavy things and I will never leave home without mine again!

Friday, September 30, 2011

Mommy's Night Out

On most days I am a jeans and T-shirt kind of girl.  My teeth are always brushed and my face is always washed, but showering just may or may not fit into my schedule.  So any chance I get to do my hair and make-up and...wait for it...SHOWER...I am all over it.  So last night was the wedding that I was preparing for by starving myself for six days in order to combat the back fat that I developed over this past summer.  I can't say the dress zipped up with ease, but I can say that there weren't any chunks hanging over the back of my dress.  Success!  Not only was this wedding a chance for me to get done up, it was also a chance for mommy to have one too many cocktails.  The combination of a nice shower, some champaign and a couple captain and diets made for a wonderful night.  Now, although I am always looking for the funny in everything, nothing really funny happened last night, which I guess is a good thing.  I didn't trip and fall, hulk out of my dress or vomit in any strange places.  So I guess I will have to instruct today more so than please (that's a little Horace for you, yeah that's right, I take Literary Theory).  So to anyone out there who is feeling stressed, overwhelmed or less than beautiful, here is my perscription to you.  Grab the one you love most in the world, whether that be your significant other, best friend, mom, dad, sibling, whoever, get as dolled up as you possibly can (if your a mom like me, pop a DVD on for your kid and get your smelly butt in the shower) and go out dancing!  It is amazing how much better you can wake up feeling after a good night of drinking and feeling beautiful with someone you love. 

To my husband, Jim,  I had a wonderful night with you.  It makes me so happy to go out with you and be able to be just as carefree as we were when we were dating.  You are the love of my life and I promise to never stop having fun with you.  Love you always, Krissy. <3

Thursday, September 29, 2011

The day I tried to drop kick a child...

My older son, Aidan, just started full time pre-k this September.  When entering school there is a choice that every child is faced with.  They can be the bully or the bullied.  Now although I am glad that thus far, my four year old has chosen not to beat kids up on the playground or shake kids out in the block corner for their lunch money, when he came home with a bite mark and bruise on his arm, I gave serious thought to persuading him to join the dark side.  He had a full set of teeth marks imbedded in his beautiful, innocent, ivory epidermus.  As a mother, it is my job to transform into a raging bull when anything happens to my child and so it came as no surprise to anyone when my gut reaction to this was to find whoever did this to him and drop kick them across the classroom.  I walked Aidan to school the next day, determined to seek justice for my injured baby.  Things took a turn when Aidan pointed out the culprit.  The biter wore sparkeling pink shoes, a floral print sundress and a hair bow to match in her curly blonde hair.  Now I was fully prepared to drop kick a child, but I had not foreseen that this child would be a little girl.  That changed this for sure.  I curbed my original instinct when I saw her adorably sweet smile.  "Okay Aidan, if she bothers you today just make sure to tell your teacher," I said as I ushered him into the building.  It wasn't until I was walking home that I realized what had just happened.  Even at the young age of four that little girl knew how to play me!  How many times have I pulled the "but I'm just a girl" card, when trying to get out of trouble.  I flash my sweetest smile and try to look as dumb as possible and magically, I am forgiven!  That little girl is a genius!  It's a tale as old as time!  The evil girl gets off because she's cute!  Well I guess it is good that Aidan is learning this lesson as a young age since he will be dealing with it for the rest of his life.  So I guess really when entering school you have three choices.  You can be the bully, the bullied or the crafty bully.  Choose wisely my children!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Battle of the Back Fat: Day 4

I usually don't write my blog until the morning, but I am having a weak moment right now so here I am. Today is the 4th day of my attempt at starvation.  I made it all day, but cracked at 10:30 at night and snuck downstairs for a little snackeroo.  Is it just me or does everyone feel that if they eat secretly it won't make them fat?  As long as no one else saw me eat that entire bag of fudge stripe cookies, then it didn't even really happen, did it?  Like if a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound?  If Kristina eats while hiding in her kitchen, does she gain a pound?  The more reasonable side of me says yes of course, you will still get fat even if no one else watches you eat the cookies, but those delicious little cookies scream out "Just do it!  No one is here, they can't see you, just eat me, I won't tell!"  I swear these cookies are evil!  Often, I will buy those lovely little 100 calorie packs of cookies.  Oh look! I can be thin and still have a snack!  Sadly, I have a bit of a problem with portion control and anyone who knows me can attest to this.  So when I sit down and eat 5 packages of 100 calorie pack cookies, I am completely undermining the idea of being able to have a sensible snack.  To me, there is no such thing as a "sensible snack."  A snack is an indulgence, a treat.  It is something to be enjoyed and I don't ENJOY eating two cookies, I enjoy eating many, many cookies!  So if I sit down to have a snack, I don't want a "snack pack" of cookies, I want a whole bag of cookies!  Portion control. be damned!  But anyhow, now I am going to bed with that wonderful guilty feeling!  Oh well, better luck tomorrow!  Everyday is a new day to make right of what was wrong yesterday.  And umm yeah, I think I just made that up.  Pretty sweet!  Write that down somewhere! :) Have a great day guys!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Melissa Lynn

I planned to right about my father today, but while searching for a picture of him to accompany this post, I found so many amazing pictures of my sister, Melissa, that I felt I would be a fool not to take advantage of the opportunity to further explain my sister.  I am choosing to write about my family at the start of my blogging career because they have made me what I am today and knowing them can only further your insight into my life.  Well here is Melissa...
Now clearly she has a few screws lose and I really can't argue that, but her weirdness makes her very funny and fascinating to observe.  For example, Melissa recently started a new job working for a bagel store.  She went to work during her first week there, sporting her company's T-shirt and cap proudly.  She went behind the counter and attempted to get to work.  For some reason the register seemed foreign to her, but this isn't really THAT unusual for Melissa so she tried her best to figure out the machine.  At some point she realized that she was getting some odd looks from employees and customers.  Finally, another employee told her that she was at the deli and that the bagel store where she worked was across the street.  Needless, to say Melissa's career buttering bagels was short lived.  Another time Melissa walked into the room of one of her college classes, bumped into a students desk and knocked the girls phone on the floor.  The girl tried to reach down to retrieve her phone, but her desk toppled over.  Now, as Melissa tells the story, the girl was trying desperately to get out from under her desk but since her feet were in the air she just wiggled around helplessly until someone took the desk off of her.  Now, given the fact that Melissa was the one who started this whole classroom catastrophe, you would think that she would have been the one to lift the desk off of the squirming girl, but she couldn't you see, because she was too busy caught between laughing hysterically and peeing her pants.  Understandable.  I come from a long line of ridiculous people which has brought me to where I am today.  I had two choices growing up.  I could either join the family in their ridiculous antics or I could take the road less traveled by our family members and become a sane and functional person like my sister Laura, blah blah blah, genius freak.  I have always been more of a follower so I decided to join in my families absurdity.  Watching Laura, blah blah blah, genius freak (I don't think I have to do this every time, you get the point...she is freakishly intelligent) has shown me that there was another way growing up, I could have taken the craziness in stride and used it to empower myself to be a wiser person, but I have to say I'm glad I made the choice that I did.  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't love being crazy, disfunctional and ridiculous.  I believe that is what dreams are really made of, taking the insanity that is the real world and running with it!  Most of us are at least a little bit crazy and the key is to accept it and flaunt it anyway you can!  So I made a blog!  :)  See you tomorrow!

Monday, September 26, 2011

My lesser half... ;)

I will start with my usual disclaimer.  The subject of today's blog is the love of my life, my husband, Jim!  In most aspects of his life he is very generous.  He buys me anything and everything I want.  However there is this other side to Jim and for some reason this other side of him is an extreme bargain hunter.  Let me give you an example in case you don't quite understand.  We went to the mall last week with the kids.  At some point of the trip came the best part of going to the mall, choosing what to have from the food court.  Now if you have ever been to a large food court, like the one in Roosevelt Field Mall you have probably seen the people handing out samples of chicken as you walk around.  My husband, crafty as he is, has a system in which he does laps around the food court collecting samples of chicken on a stick and this is his lunch.  "Why spend $10 on lunch when they are just handing it out for free?" he argues.  Now this wouldn't be so bad if he just did his thing and then met us back at the table where were eating our lunch, but no, he wants us all to do laps with him so that we can also collect chicken for him to eat.  This is embarrassing to say the least.  "Oh, Kris, bourbon chicken!" he says as if the concept of bourbon chicken is unknown to us both.   I take the stick of chicken as if it's something I have never seen before and when no one is looking, dutifully hand it over to Jim.  He really hit the jackpot on this particular trip since The Ranch Grill was handing out samples of smoothies.  "This is great, I don't even have to buy a drink!"  Well I guess no one is perfect.  He is truly a wonderful man, husband and father but we all have our flaws!  I bite my cuticles, Jim steals chicken from food courts.  :)  I love you Jim, and promise to steal bourbon chicken for you forever and always!  Love, your wife.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

A problem arises...

I have a wedding to attend on Thursday and this is the dress that I will be wearing.  Cute, right?  Well here is the problem.  I bought this dress back in April.  Now to say that I was indulgent this summer would be an understatement.  It seems that I decided to put on my 'freshman fifteen' during my sixth year of college.  I was being different!  I decided that ignorance was bliss and that I just wouldn't try the dress on until the wedding and keep my fingers crossed that it fit.  However, my mother convinced me to try it on.  I will start with the positive.  From the front the dress still looks very nice.  The problem arises when I turn around.  It seems that a summers worth of cheeseburgers and McFlurry's equals an enormous back fat problem, or as my husband puts it "You have back boobs."  Well here I am in a bit of a pickle since the wedding is in six days.  So I turned to those closest to me for advise.  My husband advised me to where the dress unzipped, maybe no one would notice.  My mother advised me not to eat until Thursday.  These two should right some sort of self help book, don't you think?  Needless to say I decided to try out mom's idea.  Worst case scenario, her plan fails and I move onto plan B.  Best case scenario, I succeed in fitting comfortably into the dress, but I accidently eat one of the children on Friday after my fast is over.  Either way I'm sure it will work out!  I went for a run this morning hoping to burn off some of my summer chub.  I was feeling positive upon my return home when my husband told me that the groom had called and "wants to know what your back fat will be having for dinner on Thursday?"  See, that's why I love him so much!  He is always thinking of me!  So I will keep you posted on my 6 day Battle of the Back Bulge Challenge!  Feel free to share any of your over indulgent summer stories here as well!

Friday, September 23, 2011

Does anyone else see something sinister in their eyes?  I kid!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

This me, that me and the other me.

Yesterday was one of those days when I am forced to play a few different roles within a 24 hour period.  I woke up as mom, or as my boys would call me "Maaaaaaaaa!"  I got everyone dressed, fed, packed and off to school.  I consider it a successful morning given the fact that I didn't have to baptize myself in the kitchen sink upon my return home.  From there I became Kristina, the student.  I had three classes, Chaucer, Shakespeare and American Literature.  What...a line up!  From there I went to a bar for my best friend's birthday (Happy Birthday Brittany!)  Now after four hours of being "Maaaaaaaaa!" and ten hours of being a student/literature enthusiast, it is no easy task to switch into friend mode.  I am the girl who without thinking twice reminds all of her girlfriends to use the bathroom before heading out, and advises them to bring a sweater because they might get chilly.  They laugh at me and let it go.  However, when I responded to a friend with a quote from The Canterbury Tales, I think they had really had enough of me.  I'm like a chameleon with a birth defect; A Shakespearean actor who can't quite pull off his disguise.  None of us can ever really fit into any one specific role in the world.  We are all a little bit of many different things.  For some people all of these little pieces can be put together to form a rather successful and well rounded person.  For others, like myself, it equals a bit of a freakshow, but hey to each his own!

My Dear Old Mom

These are my parents, whom I must start off by saying, I love very much!  My mom is my focus for today so lets put dad on the back burner for a moment.  It is common for stay at home moms to call each other frequently to vent about frustrations they are having with their spouses, children, household or any other problem that may arise.  Sadly, I don't have many stay at home mom friends so I resort to calling my mom to have these discussions.  Ring, ring, ring, "Mom, I just found a sippy cup, hidden in a dump truck.  There was milk in it.  It's chunky.  The playroom smells like feet."  To which my mother lovingly responds with something along the lines of "Just wait until they are teenagers, it gets so much worse."  Comforting, no?  Not really, but I guess after all those years spent torturing my own mother, I really had this coming.  You see, my mother is a bit of a nut case, and I mean this is the nicest way possible.  It's not her fault she is crazy, she had four kids!  Now you might be thinking well statistically her chances were 50/50 for producing a good seed or a bad seed, so at least two out of her four children should have been somewhat manageable.  Sadly, mom was dealt a crappy hand when it came to her offspring.  She ended up with only one "easy" child, and that would be my sister, Laura.  Laura is now working for a research lab at Yale so blah blah blah, she is a genius freak.  As for the rest of us, we did absolutely anything in our power to destroy this woman from the day we were born.  Dear old mom didn't stand a chance.  For example at around the age of six, I decided that my mother was a horrible person for not letting me go swimming in the dead of winter so I grabbed my bathing suit and ran away...literally, I was running down the block.  Where I was headed to I am still not sure.  This young spontaneity of mine forced my then nine months pregnant mother to chase me down the street.  As you can imagine I was much faster then my wobbling mother at the time, however at some point my lung capacity failed me and she was able to catch up and bring me home.  On another occasion I told my teacher that my mom wanted to be a mud wrestler, per my dad's prompting.  I'm sure that couldn't have done any great things for her mental well being either.  As the oldest of her four children I take on a lot of the responsibility for driving her to her current state of semi madness.  Next came Laura, again, blah blah blah, genius freak.  We will just skip her entirely, I'm sure she did something to mom at one time or another but I doubt that she contributed significantly.  Then came Melissa.  Melissa once peed on our neighbors lawn because she was locked out of the house.  I think thats really enough said about her.  Now my brother, Thomas, is the last of the troop.  Again, I blame much of went wrong with my brother on myself as well.  We used to make him play pretty pretty princess with us and during our childhood I could off be found painting his fingernails hot pink somewhere.  So it is really no wonder that my brother turned out how he did.  I once convinced my brother that our belly buttons were necessary in order for us to take in extra oxygen and that if you were to plug up your belly button you would slowly suffocate.  We decided to conduct an experiment.  We both plugged up our belly buttons, I was okay because of course, I was bigger than him so it would take longer for me to feel the effects.  My brother, however, soon tossed himself down on the bed, clutching his chest and gasping for air.  I believe his tongue was also hanging out of his mouth.  At this point I totally blew my cover as I burst out laughing.  I had to tell him the truth although it pained me to do so.  My mom was in the room observing this entire spectacle and I'm sure it couldn't have been healthy for her to see her only son crumbled in a heap on her bed because of a plugged up belly button.  So is it really her fault that her head sometimes spins off into another dimension??  Of course not!  We created this mommy monster and now we must all stick by her!  I love you mom. sorry about my childhood!  :)

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Don't be fooled!  None of them are as innocent as they look!


Let me start off by saying that I love my two boys and my husband dearly.  It's not at all the fact that they aren't near and dear to my heart, but rather the fact that on most days it seems that the three main men in my life seem to join together to create some sort of force that I am positive seeks only to destroy my sanity day by day.  My name is Kristina.  I am a stay at home mom, a wife, a college student AND a twenty-something.  This blog is here to document the daily struggles that I face while trying to fit perfectly into each of these categories.  Most days I miss the mark but isn't it really all about the effort I put in?  Right?  So here I am today, sitting at my kitchen counter clutching my mug of coffee like my life depends on it.  By 10 AM I have been awake for nearly four hours, got dressed (if you consider throwing on jeans and a sweat shirt "getting dressed") got my kids dressed, fed, lunches and backpacks packed, walked them to school, came home and immediately dunked my head in the sink in order to combat the mass amounts of sweat that were pouring off my face.  It is something that can only be realized once you have your own family, but raising children (and a husband) is a sweaty, messy, nasty job!  Here is a list of things that makes me break out into a cold sweat on a daily basis...getting my children dressed or rather wrestling them into any clothes within reach, getting the children into the car or really climbing over the middle row seats of my mom-mobile to get them out of the trunk and into their car seats, cooking dinner while a 40 lb leech hangs onto my leg, vacuuming while someone walks behind me spilling teddy grahams on the floor AND THEN stepping on them for fun!  "But mom I had to defeat the Teddy!  I am Buzz Lightyear!"  Ahh that brings me to my next cause for a good sweat.  At least once a week, my older son, and the light of my life, decides that the worlds fate is in his hands and he must transform from a four year old boy to a super hero without a moments notice.  This, as you can imagine, can be a bit of a process.  First the proper costume must be found.  It can never be found on the first run which equals tears and a lot of whining (ohh I LOVE the whining!)  The costume can usually be found buried at the bottom of a laundry hamper which means it has to be washed, cue more tears and whining.  When all is said and done and Buzz is finally ready for battle and mommy has been reduced to a clammy, sweating fool, I am then instructed to run around the house pretending to be Zurg, Buzz's arch nemesis and really after all the searching and washing and crying and whining who wouldn't want to run laps around their house while being shot at by the laser of a 4 year old-Buzz Lightyear hybrid???  And really to bring it all full circle is what is perhaps for me the most unnerving and sweat inducing problem of them all...walking upstairs to change out of my pit-stained T-shirt to find my husband laying in bed.  "Babe, I don't feel good, I just have to sleep off this headache."  Now this is the point where I almost always lose my cool, yada yada yada, more sweating, you get the idea.  So, although I am many things, today's post I was obviously a disgruntled wife and mother, I promise to be more than that in the future.  So for all those moms out there today who are panting while chasing a child around there house while their husband moans about the rough day he has had...I feel ya girl!